Sunday, November 7, 2010

an update to my previous post...

well, my family and i have had it with our unitarian fellowship.

and i need to inform that i'm also the pianist there. it's my responsibility to choose preludes, offertories, and postludes for each service, and play whatever hymns are chosen by whoever is organizing the service.

twice in the past month, i played no hymns because whoever organized the service was either playing them themselves, or preferred that we do them a cappella. that's a waste of my time.

earlier this fall, i got raked over the coals for not submitting my selections for prelude, offertory, and postlude early enough or in the proper format (i haven't used caps in e-mails or any online communication in about ten years).

and then last weekend, i got yelled at for not putting melanie in the nursery. and not only did i get yelled at for it, when she said she wanted to stay with mommy and i told her i was sorry, i got a phone call from the RE coordinator telling me that i was reflecting badly on the nursery program by telling her i was sorry she had to go back there. when i explained that i was responding to her request to stay with mommy, she said, "well, do you really expect to be with her 24/7?" wtf? she's hardly with me at all during the week because i'm so busy with school. when she can see me, she wants me. when she can see me and can't have me, she gets some separation anxiety.

now long before the phone call, i had decided that melanie would stay home this sunday because i thought it best to subject her to the separation anxiety only once, when we left the house. after the phone call, i had decided that i was going to go worship at st. mary our mother, around the corner from our house. going there felt like home. it felt so good. so i'm going to go to the 8:30 mass there, and then go play at the fellowship. instead of my place of worship, it's now my workplace.

more later...

Saturday, September 25, 2010

how to raise your kids right

and please do not think that the title implies in any way that i'm an authority on the subject.

these may be the insane ramblings of an insomniac, allergy-infested, overtired, dehydrated, pregnant woman at 3 in the morning.

or maybe they do provide some insight. i don't know.

i attend a unitarian universalist fellowship. there's a saying that it takes all kinds to make the world go round. well, at a unitarian universalist fellowship, you find all kinds.

at our particular unitarian universalist fellowship, however, belief in any kind of a higher power other than science or nature is certainly NOT the majority.

having been raised with a strong faith tradition, i find it difficult to wrap my brain around this.

for years, i was raised to believe that madeline murray o'hare, a woman who worked tirelessly to get all reference to religion out of public communication (specifically, tv and radio), was public enemy #1 to anyone who believed in god.

i get to our UUF and find that to many of the members, she's a hero.

whether or not religious programming should be made available to people who choose to view it is a subject for another post.

what i'm writing about is raising kids unitarian.

and i'm not sure i like what i see.

we have a family in our fellowship that is a very good, upright, moral family, with two wonder*full parents, and two young (8 and 5) children who are very polite, intelligent individuals. the mom is a working artist (a real live artist! SHE's my hero!) and the dad is a philosophy professor at a local college. i consider these people my friends, have no problem either being in their home or having them in mine, and i'm glad that our children play together because their kids are so wonderful with my two year old.

however, a couple of nights ago, the dad posted on his facebook status about his son asking him some questions about god and ghosts, and the dad rejoiced when his 5-year-old son said that god was dead and praised him for being "his little nietzschean (sp?)"

this breaks my heart.

in my experience, for faith to be true, it always had to be childlike. full of wonder, innocent, trusting.

and when i hear a five year old child saying things like god is dead, it makes me wonder where the hope for the future is in unitarian universalism.

we have another family in our fellowship whose 17 year old son just went off to college. he did a sermon as kind of a coming-of-age service at the end of our "church year" (we do small group ministry in the summer, so his was the last regular service of the season). and this young man said that he searched for answers in every faith tradition he could get his hands on a book to read about and hadn't found his answers.

so i asked him where he found hope, and he said, "there isn't any."

so i asked him what gets him out of bed in the morning, and his mother, jokingly, said, "me."

while that was funny, it really didn't answer my question. it was a serious one. i'm raising a two-year-old in this faith. i'm going to be bringing a newborn into this faith. freedom to choose what you do and don't believe in sounds like a good thing, but do i really want my children to grow up in a world where god is dead and there is no hope and the only thing that gets them out of bed in the morning is me standing over them with a cattle prod?

the seven principles of unitarian universalism provide a solid moral framework for how to live your life.

* The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
* Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
* Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
* A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
* The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
* The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
* Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

i grew up in the catholic tradition, and perhaps with the exception of "a free and responsible search for truth and meaning," and "the right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large," the catholic church does teach that.

but the catholic church also teaches that its earthbound leader is more than human, if not equal with God. (the pope is supposedly "infallible;" um, he's still human, right?)

and currently, it further teaches that women cannot be full leaders.
that if leaders abuse children in unspeakable ways we just send them to another parish.
that doctors who perform legal, safe abortions are evil, but people who bomb abortion clinics are working for the greater good.
(while certain individual pastors speak out against these things, this is the "party line," so to speak.)

and i have a big problem teaching my daughter (and baby shrimp) that that's OK.

i still love the structure of the Mass. basically, my philosophy is, it's not God and Jesus i have a problem with. in the immortal words of rufus the prophet from kevin smith's movie dogma, "it's the shit that gets carried out in (their) name...wars, bigotry, televangelism." it's the way that people ~ FALLIBLE PEOPLE, THE POPE INCLUDED ~ pervert the overall message. any psychopath can skew the bible to support his message, but in English classes in school, we're taught to read for an overall theme. and if you read the bible, its overall theme is love.

one of the greatest things i ever heard spoken in a catholic church was not spoken by a priest. it was spoken by a campus minister with a master's in theology from berkeley. him i will mention by name: it was kevin steele. at the easter vigil, he was allowed to proclaim the gospel and give the homily, and he said, "if god is love, then the proper response to that is to live loving lives."

hmm. maybe i did find my answer after all...

more later...

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


apparently recently there has been a recall of similac formula. they found bugs in it. i am as grossed out about this as anybody.

but i have a lot of friends who consider themselves "lactivists;" people who are advocates for breastfeeding, and i'm really put off by their comments about this. i think it's really snotty to say things like, "just saying, but breastmilk has never been recalled."

i support breastfeeding and believe that breast milk is the best possible nutrition for a baby. but as a mother who is unable to breastfeed due to being on medications that would cross into my milk, i am offended by the insinuation that mothers who choose to formula-feed for whatever reason somehow are inferior as parents. i mean, since i am physically unable to breastfeed, i suppose i should make arrangements to abort the child i'm currently carrying and immediately be sterilized.

Friday, April 2, 2010

catch-up, part deux

well, i took some of my affirmations and wrote them in my datebook. (i like that; it's a good reminder; and it will help me remember to check my calendar!!!!!) this was assignment #5.

and assignment #6 was creating space for your dreams.

we have recently gone through our bedroom and opened up a LOT of room. we got new nightstands, and my partner took some of the bookshelves and put them on top of the new nightstands. that opened up some wall space. we cleaned off the dresser. it is really starting to feel peace*full instead of cluttered in there.

the next assignment was to have some kind of adventure.

we're having one april 17 so i'll report back then :)

after that, we had "what do your creative dreams need?" week

and i think they need me to ask for what i need.

and not be willing to stop at the first no.

i had an appointment with my voc rehab counselor this past week. and i was watching this episode of the office last night where jim and pam had their baby. this one nurse wanted to take the baby to the nursery and give her a bottle because pam was having trouble getting her to latch to breastfeed and pam said, "no, please don't give her a bottle, i don't want her to have nipple confusion." the nurse actually rolled her eyes, and said very sarcastically, "oh good. you know everything." and that's how i feel like i'm being treated by my VR counselor. i went in and told her all about how happy i've been in my little fledgling studio, and how i want to start teaching musikgarten classes to round out my teaching schedule and build it up to full-time income. as soon as i mentioned there was additional training involved, she shut me down, said that they wouldn't be able to do anything to help me with that, and that they would only be able to do something related to my bachelor's degree and my marketable skills. something either in tutoring or secretarial work.

now secretarial work is all well and good. i've done it; i've even enjoyed it. however, it doesn't make every fiber of my being hum and thrum like this one-on-one teaching does. (the musikgarten will be teaching to small groups but still...)

well, i went to my group on thursday, and my group leader suggested that i contact someone higher up at voc rehab to see if i could get some more help. they have a client assistance program, so i called our regional office. i left a message and got a call back a couple hours later. the man i spoke to is going to refer my message to the appropriate person and to expect a call around tuesday to discuss what the next step might be.

i am working so hard on not being afraid to ask for what i need.

so that's the news from here on that score.

the next assignment was on commitment. andrea asked these three questions.

* are you committed to living your dreams? YES! this feels like the right path more than anything i've ever done!

* can you see a way of becoming even more committed to living your dreams? not right now, but i will write this question into my datebook and my journal and see if i can't find a way!

* do you have any commitments that are draining you? therapy and my groups drain me, but one group is finishing up in another month or so. i'm starting another one this week, which means i'll have to give up my regular thursday group. but hope*fully this one won't last too long. and besides, this is really important. i actually had a bit of a backslide last week so it's good that i'm sticking to this.

yay! i'm caught up!!!!!!!


Sunday, March 28, 2010

catching up with creative dreams come true, part 1

well, the third assignment was a guided video meditation.

for my meditations, i prefer to use the rosary or basic maitri (loving-kindness) meditation.

i didn't write about it, but especially when i use the maitri meditation, i feel my consciousness expanding and opening to greater and greater possibility.

(watching the biggest loser and the ncaa men's basketball tournament help me believe that anything is possible too.)

and the fourth assignment was to create power*full, personalized affirmations.

i struggled with this.

i have tried to use affirmations in the past. and i haven't found them particularly help*full.

but i came up with these four.

i now make a full-time income from my teaching.

i willingly accept the responsibility to be a good steward of all my resources.

i love my work.

i care about my work so much that i am always willing to go the extra mile to make it even more enjoyable.

still working...


Saturday, February 20, 2010

outrage and action

in describing myself, i fit into several groups that people might call "discriminated against."

i'm poor.
i have a mental illness (but the days that i let it have me are getting fewer and farther between).
i'm a woman.
(I had thought of a few more, but darned if I can remember them now).
finally, i'm fat.

there's a lot of stigma associated with three out of four of these (thank*fully, there isn't so much social stigma associated with being a woman anymore, although there is still discrimination). and lately, i'm choosing to focus on my fat and accepting myself right now as i am (doing so and potentially changing myself are not mutually exclusive). and as i do so, i'm getting mad.

film director kevin smith (clerks, mallrats, chasing amy, dogma, jersey girl, jay and silent bob strike back, clerks ii, copout) was recently asked to deboard a southwest airlines flight because of his size. i was aware that southwest had a policy that said that if a passenger needed a seat belt extender or the arm rests wouldn't come down, that the passenger would need to pay for two seats. but to allow him to be seated and then come and ask him to leave the plane is degrading. i have not flown southwest since they announced that they would be strictly enforcing this policy back in 2002 due to fear of being forced to pay for another seat when i showed up at the airport. (and i'm sure that they'd force a person to pay for a last-minute fare too.)

for some reason, i felt really outraged about this kevin smith story. it was like the last straw for me. i know that for most people, myself included, that my weight is something that is within my control. however, it didn't come on overnight, and it's not going to come off overnight. in the meantime, i'd like to be treated as a person, please. as the kevin smith story broke, on the different news sites where i read the story, some of the comments were absolutely hate*full. nobody deserves to be spoken to or about that way. they could pretty be much summed up as, "quit whining, suck it up and lose weight, fatty."

the thing is, although the physical causes of weight gain, too much calorie intake and not enough calories burned, are within our control, there are often underlying emotional and mental issues that can be crippling for overweight people. the media bombards us with messages that thinness is sooooooooooo much better than fatness. fat=worthless. fat=lazy. it's socially acceptable to say all kinds of hateful things about fat people and have it be funny. the western world HATES fat people. so it's no wonder that fat people hate themselves, then turn to food for comfort, then get fatter, then hate themselves worse and perpetuate a cycle. it takes a long time and a lot of therapy to break that cycle. those issues of self-esteem and food addiction need to be treated before an overweight or obese person can start taking off the weight. i can feel a thin person inside of me trying to get out. i starve myself. i overexercise to the point where i'm in pain for days. i drink so much water sometimes that i spend half my day in the bathroom. i deny myself the foods i love. and then i binge. and then i think, "why bother exercising?" and i switch from water to coke. and i gain weight.

it is horrifically embarrassing to...
have to tell your friend that you can't ride with them because you can't buckle your seat belt in their car.
wait in line for an amusement park ride only to find out that the safety restraints won't fit you.
try on clothes in a store where even the biggest sizes won't fit (thank god for you, lane bryant, fashion bug, and avenue, for your extended sizes! and thank god for online shopping!)
get so sweaty getting dressed after your shower that you might as well not even have bothered taking a shower in the first place.
chafe in places i'd rather not talk about, and so badly i can barely walk. and to have your partner blowdry those places after you take a shower so they don't chafe.
have to walk out of a free movie at a movie theater because i couldn't fit into the theater seats
ask a flight attendant for a seat belt extender.

not to mention that it's inconvenient to...
not be able to keep up with my friends when i walk.
not be able to take the stairs because it hurts my knees so bad.
not be able to stand up for more than about five minutes because my back hurts so bad.
not have enough energy to complete a task because i'm dragging around about two hundred pounds more than everyone else i know.

i know i'm fat. i don't need to be reminded by either well-meaning or just plain mean people of my size. and i'm sick of being the butt of jokes, even though i would participate in them and laugh at them to try to fit in. i don't need to be kept out of the running for a job. if i get a brain tumor, i deserve to be able to have an mri. i deserve not to have doctors give up on me because of my obesity. lose 30 pounds is not the cure for everything.

so from now on, you can consider me a fat activist for fat acceptance. maybe someday i'll be a thin activist for fat acceptance. but for now...

i'm joining the national association for the advancement of fat acceptance. i want to go to their conference in san francisco in august.

want to support me? don't make fat jokes.
don't admonish overweight people around you to lose weight.
if you end up next to an overweight or obese person on a bus, plane, or train, treat them kindly. they're aware that they're taking up some of your space, and they probably feel very badly about it.
support the activities of the national association for the advancement of fat acceptance, and the council on size and weight discrimination.
don't assume that an overweight person can't do what you need them to do. treat them like a regular person and ask for what you need. if they can't do it, they'll let you know.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

elijah nist

tomorrow on the 6:00 news here, the channel that my in-laws watch the news on is going to show an interview with the family of elijah nist.

elijah was an 8-year-old boy who lived nearby (not super close, but in my area). a couple of months ago, he passed away following complications from the h1n1 swine flu.

i plan to hole up in my room with a dvd (or deedle-dee as my daughter calls them) because just thinking about it, just typing this blog entry, i'm about to start bawling.

elijah was sick for a long time. i believe he spent at least a month in strong memorial hospital in rochester. the whole region was praying that he would pull through, and even the week before he died seemed to be showing some improvement.

in a preview for the interview, the station shows his mom saying that she misses his hugs, that he used to spontaneously just come up and hug her.

in that respect, he reminds me of my little brother.

when my brother was a little younger than that, even through that age, he would be sitting playing on the floor, and then just all of a sudden look up at one of us and tell us he loved us.

that stopped after my dad died. i miss it.

more later...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

dreams from the inside out.

this is my health ~

Intention: I move my body joy*fully; I grate*fully eat health*full, nourishing foods; I sleep deeply and well at night without the use of medication and wake feeling refreshed; I have plenty of energy to get through the entire day without napping.

Go to Aquacise and yoga at least once a week each
Continue to follow the Carbohydrate Addicts' Diet with the knowledge that it is what is best for my body.
Ask my doctors about the use of Valerian vs. Ambien/Vistaril
Continue to practice loving-kindness meditation and relaxation exercises.
Use my dialectical behavior therapy skills to cope with distress and regulate my emotions.

these are my relationships:

Intention: I enjoy loving, warm relationships with my family and friends, where it is safe to communicate openly and honestly while speaking words that build, bless, and comfort

Continue to work toward couples' therapy at Family Services
Continue to teach my daughter behaviors that will enable her to fully function and be happy as a child and into her adulthood
Encourage my husband to continue his therapy without taking responsibility for his appointments
Write more snail mail.
Use my dialectical behavior therapy skills to communicate honestly while speaking words that build, bless, and comfort.

this is my abundance:

Intention: I enjoy abundant love, abundant resources, and abundant finances.

Look for a part-time job
Build a savings
Communicate honestly
Practice loving-kindness meditation and radiate love.
Advertise for piano students.

this is my creativity/purpose:

Intention: I connect often with the divine within myself, and enjoy my creativity and my work.

Develop creativity and inspirational workshops.
Devote myself to the study of becoming a birth doula, nursing, and midwifery.
Write a creativity and inspirational workshop to be presented at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship this summer.
Get my study materials for becoming a DONA member and birth doula as soon as I can afford them and study and work hard.
Begin my classes for nursing in June.
Continue to cultivate my spirituality.

this is how i practice self-love/self-care:

Intention: It is safe to live my life in a way that is loving and caring toward myself.

Do a weekly artist date.
Practice loving-kindness meditation.
Take my medications and make sure I don't run out.
Keep working toward eating in a balanced way.
Keep working toward regular exercise.

this is how i experience happiness/adventure:

Intention: I experience happiness and adventure grate*fully, and I enjoy the present moment.

Practice mind*fullness
Practice mind*fullness
Practice mind*fullness
Stay present in the moment when I am feeling happy rather than waiting for the other shoe to drop.

meditation practice

well, one of the things on my 100+ dream list that i did two weeks ago was develop a consistent meditation practice.

now i'm sure that someone i know told me about this long long ago because she actually changed her name to this. but i'm not really GETTING it until now.

i went on my library website and put every book i could find about meditation and mind*fullness on hold. i actually got a snippy message from the library.

"elizabeth, you have thirteen books on hold here at the library and we don't have an abundance of room on our shelves to keep that many books for one person so would you please come pick them up?"

but then when i did go to pick them up they said that i was not the first one that had gone buck nutty putting books on hold on their websight before. so then i felt better.

anyway, one of the books is about loving-kindness, or maitri, meditation. and i actually have a friend who changed her name to maitri, so i know she has told me and the online community in which i met her about it before.

but i actually started it practicing it last night and it actually works for me.

it decreases my anxiety.

it helps me feel more relaxed.

i still did have some insomnia last night and got up after trying to fall asleep for a while. but usually when i get up i'm up for hours. last night i was only up for about 30 minutes.

so it's working.

and it just makes me feel so...GOOD.

full of love...and kindness. go figure, since it's loving-kindness meditation and all...

more later and this week's assignment percolating~

Friday, January 8, 2010

Dreams Come True

So this week, our assignment was to think about and record dreams that have come true in our lives. Thinking about it, the fulfillment of one small dream influenced all the other dreams I ever had.

The first thing that came to my mind was I got married and had a family.
I got into and graduated from college.
When I was little, my big dream was to become an opera singer.

And there were a lot of little dreams along the way, stepping stones along the way to the big dream of becoming an opera singer.
Auditions I would succeed at, etc.

I got into the summer rec productions of Grease and the Music Man in high school (The Music Man, to this day, remains my favorite musical).

I got into select chorus in high school.

And then, I got into a show called Melodies of Christmas my sophomore year in high school. The show is performed by the Empire State Youth Orchestra and Empire State Youth Chorale (I was in Chorale). I had always admired the show, a fundraiser for the pediatric oncology unit at the Albany Medical Center. I had always wanted to go see it. And it was broadcast on local TV!

I remember getting the letter and screaming and jumping around the post office. It was the day of our homecoming pep rally.

And when I really think back about it, that one dream come true is the one that most greatly influenced my life!

It was there that I met my best friend, and my daughter's godmother.

It was there that I found out about the New York State Summer School of the Arts, and when my voice teacher brought the auditions to my attention, I immediately applied, auditioned, and, the summer after my junior year, was accepted.

Once I got into NYSSSA, things really started happening.

I met a professor there named Everett McCorvey, and was immediately greatly impressed by him. He was so knowledgeable, and had such enthusiasm, and had such great rapport with us kids. In a panel discussion that the instructors did on careers in music, I found out that Dr. McCorvey had done his training at the University of Alabama.

Well, I raved about him to my parents.

My dad said, "Did you say he went to the University of Alabama?"

I said, "Yes."

He said, "Well, get back down there and find out if he knew your Uncle Bill!"

Uncle Bill was my father's first wife's uncle, the youngest brother of my third grandma, Grandma Topley. Uncle Bill and his wife, Aunt Belle, had been to visit us several times in my youth when they were up from Tuscaloosa. Uncle Bill had been the head of the music department at Alabama for many, many years.

So I asked Doc if he had known Uncle Bill, and he said, "You know Bill Steven?"

"He was my great-uncle," I said.

Turns out it was Bill Steven who had convinced a young Everett McCorvey to change his major from baritone horn to voice.

Dr. McCorvey was now on the faculty at the University of Kentucky.

Not 30 days after I got home from NYSSSA, I had a huge packet of information from UK. "Dr. Everett McCorvey, with whom you studied at the New York State Summer School of the Arts, recommended that we send you this information," the cover letter said.

That fall, I made a list of schools I wanted to audition for.

"Where is that Dr. McCorvey?" my father asked me. "I liked him."

"The University of Kentucky," I said.

"You should put that on your list. You gotta go where you got the in's," he said.

So I put UK on my list, along with six other schools. My parents said I had to narrow it down to five. So I crossed out the one with the highest application fee and the one with the strictest audition requirements.

UK made the short list.

And, as Dad and I traveled to my different audition sites we were gradually narrowing down the list.

Hartt and Crane, I didn't get enough financial aid.
Shenandoah, the auditions were so disorganized, I was thoroughly disgusted.
Eastman, I didn't get in (but I didn't like it once I got there anyway; I know that sounds like sour grapes, but I really didn't feel like I fit in there).

So in a way, the decision was made for me. Kentucky, it was.

And I fell in love with Lexington, so, several years after I graduated, I moved back.

And it was there that I met my husband, who gave me my child...

Saturday, January 2, 2010

100 dreams...haha, i've got it!!!!! and then some!

1. get pregnant
2. heal my marriage.
3. get the rest of the seasons of friends on dvd (or deedle-dee as melanie says).
4. go back to work.
5. build up a savings.
6. pay down my debt.
7. build up my marykay inventory.
8. attend a mets game at citi field.
9. move out of my in-laws' house.
10. practice meditation consistently.
11. read daily.
12. get regular manicure/pedicures.
13. go on a weekly date with my husband.
14. visit a state i haven't been to yet.
15. plan a honeymoon with my husband.
16. get melanie potty-trained.
17. build etsy inventory.
18. find piano students.
19. sample local finger lakes wines.
20. create a raised-bed garden...vegetables and herbs.
21. create and sing in a band (or an a-cappella octet).
22. volunteer at the horseheads animal shelter.
23. learn to take great landscape photos.
24. create inspirational retreats.
25. attend celebrate your life.
26. create an indoor herb garden.
27. create a meditation spot in the back yard.
28. rebuild my collection of sark books.
29. attend a sark event.
30. write a new book i'm thinking about. non-fic this time.
31. give a weekly contribution to my church.
32. give an annual contribution to a cause i deem worthy.
33. recover the songs i wrote that i lost on my old computer.
34. visit aunt kay once a month.
35. lead a creativity or inspiration workshop.
36. write a bio to accompany website and other internet postings for said creativity/inspiration workshop when i prepare it.
37. write gratitudes daily.
38. keep morning pages every day.
39. learn photoshop.
40. take a yoga class.
41. go back to school.
42. attend new york football giants' training camp.
43. attend a new york football giants' game at the new stadium (carrie if i come to a steelers game w/you you're coming to a giants game w/
44. go to lexington for final four weekend if uk makes the final four
45. finish my novel.
46. self-publish said novel.
47. win nanowrimo again.
48. plan a playdate with jess.
49. plan a playdate with tressa.
50. plan a playdate with earl.
51. plan a playdate with gail.
52. plan a playdate with joann.
53. plan a playdate with merideth.
54. get my guitar fixed.
55. find a local drumming circle.
56. buy a drum.
57. send regular snail mail.
58. get phone service where i can call the us and canada for a flat rate.
59. become fluent in another language.
60. get all my christmas decorations up by the day after thanksgiving.
61. drink more water.
62. get my pilots' license.
63. memorize the gettysburg address.
64. memorize my three favorite poems.
65. memorize the declaration of independence.
66. learn which constitutional amendment grants which freedom (if i'm going to be indignant about terrorists trying to thwart the american way, i'd better at least know what the american way is, n'est-ce pas?)
67. visit a national park.
68. make my great-grandmother's cinnamon roll recipe.
69. finish the knit/crochet projects i started for christmas presents for last year.
70. take weekly spa showers.
71. learn to sew.
72. spend quiet time working on songwriting.
73. write more music.
74. do arrangements for my octet.
75. practice radical acceptance of myself as i am.
76. memorize the sigma alpha iota symphony.
77. join the uk alumni association.
78. join a sigma alpha iota alumnae chapter.
79. join acda.
80. join dona.
81. work on becoming a certified birth doula.
82. practice emotion regulation.
83. do something everyday off the pleasant activities list.
84. create a self-soothe kit.
85. bake all the christmas cookies i want to in time for christmas.
86. keep trying new recipes.
87. stay active every mary kay quarter.
88. attend mary kay seminar in dallas.
89. do a weekly artist date.
90. keep full ink cartridges in my printer.
91. establish an adult choir at my church.
92. create an image journal.
93. establish a routine of regular exercise.
94. crochet or knit daily.
95. visit the corning museum of glass.
96. take anna and melanie to the strong museum in rochester.
97. visit the corning/corelleware store in corning.
98. try new local restaurants.
99. stop relying on meds to help me sleep.
100. practice keeping a positive outlook.
101. reconnect with ned b. fleischer.
102. rebuild my collection of sheet music.
103. take a glider ride at harris hill.
104. stop acting out of fear.
105. stop living in fear.
106. master knitting socks. (maybe wooden needles will help.)

Friday, January 1, 2010

100 dreams...

100 dreams?! Really?!

Hehe it's a challenge from my friend Andrea.

I'm doing this online workshop with her.

She challenged us to come up with 100 dreams to get us in the habit of dreaming big!

I'll be back to post my list on Sunday...I'm going to ruminate on this and write them down with pen and paper first.

more later...