Monday, October 19, 2009

if she got really quiet and listened, new parts of her wanted to speak...


an idea for a new creative dream just came to me.

but it's so huge that i feel like it's going to swallow me right now.

holy mackerel.

a women's creativity retreat house AND day spa.

or maybe just a women's creativity retreat house where i do mk facials, we have a sauna, pool, and hot tub, and we just hire a massage therapist to come in once in a while...

my husband could help build it.

a rural location on keuka or cayuga or seneca lake... (the finger lakes)

room for up to 75...

a meeting room (or a couple)

a kitchen

beautiful cabins overlooking the lake

ohhhh it's coming into view...i need to start imaging this right away.

more later...


Saturday, July 25, 2009

melanie's starting to learn colors!

ok, well, she said "blue," and she identified a couple of other blue things in her toybox beside her bunny, which may or may not have been an accident.

but still...she's almost big enough to play "i spy" with!!!!!

she helped me sort boxes in the bedroom today. we found a couple of tiny stuffed dogs (she called them "goggies") and she adored them.

now, we've just gotten her toy bucket out again for the first time in a couple of months (she just had 2-3 toys in her playpen that she played with) and i think they were kind of like catnip because she pulled them out and examined them and now she's kind of blissed out on the floor...

i love being a mom...


Monday, June 29, 2009

pa/ny state legislators...


god, all this political posturing is pissing me off.

the pennsylvania state budget is due tomorrow.

if it doesn't pass on time, state employees (rank-and-file ones, of course, not the legislators themselves) might be forced to work without pay. when i think of my sister and cousin, both of whom are rank-and-file state employees, and their salaries suddenly being cut to zero, i see red. GAH! it makes me so mad!

and the senators in the NYS senate can't fucking get along! wtf? are we adults? or are we 3 and don't want to share our toys? no work has gotten done in the state senate for like 2 weeks because people can't decide if they're republicans or democrats and they're fighting over who's going to have the majority. one guy was a democrat, said he wanted to jump ship and be a republican instead, and then flopped back, and is a democrat now, which ties Rs and Ds at 31 each. so now it's a bunch of hand-wringing and "oh, no, what are we going to do? who's going to break tie votes?" grow a set and vote the way your constituents ask you to rather than sticking to the party line! GAH!

personally, i think legislators who don't pass budgets on time should be forced to give up their salaries and that money should be used to run the state until they can stop dicking around and DO THEIR DAMN JOBS!

and with this BS that's going on in NY, my husband says that all the legislators should be fired.

i think they should at least not be allowed to run for re-election.

hehe but they'd have to pass legislation for that to happen...and who's going to pass legislation that tells them they could lose their jobs?

maybe they should be fired.

maybe i should start a grass-roots campaign to vote out the incumbents who are wasting my time and tax dollars.

more later...


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

this oughta be a fun post LOL

omg i am so tired.

i don't know why. i took a nap today.

but i did have to get up after less sleep than i needed to go to group.
gotta love intensive outpatient therapy *eyeroll*

after therapy i went to my friend jennifer's. i bought her old spinning wheel off her :) :) :) i am SO EXCITED. i can MAKE MY OWN YARN!!!!!!!

i can learn how to hand-dye it...hand-spin it, ply it...

and then MAKE STUFF OUT OF IT!!!!!!


i finished the bag part of my totebag today. i just need to put the strap on it tomorrow and then it will be ready to be listed!!!!!!!

which is good, because i'm down to one item in my listing stash. oh, the horror.

i've decided that i really need two days to work on non-selling projects because they're really starting to pile up. christmas is a lot of the things i want to make for gifts i'm gonna need to get started on. plus i have to make two more chemo caps for beth, and finish the afghan i'm working on for my sun, mon, wed, fri, and sat are my working days. tue and thurs i'm working on non-selling stuff.

i put a bid in for a $300 commission to make all-purpose totebags for a girl in washington state...send out some good vibes that i'll get that :)

more later~

Monday, June 15, 2009

i hurt...

...physically. i swear if there is something potentially dangerous within 500 miles of my daughter, she will find it, and try to eat it.

tonight, a thumbtack (?!) found its way into her crib, and i noticed it after bathtime, when i was reading her the eighth chapter of harry potter and the sorcerer's stone. i'm sitting in my husband's computer chair at the time. i find the tack, can't reach it, drag it closer with her blanket, pull the blanket up, and cannot find it. so i pull the blanket out of the crib and shake it. no thumbtack falls out. so i'm looking for the thumbtack on the floor, and...


the arm broke off the chair (i TOLD my husband not to put arms on this chair...he put it together from two chairs we had, and we got rid of the other one), fell to the floor, and i fell. i scraped my arm from my elbow to my shoulder on the computer desk. and i...sort of ended up sideways on the chair, the side of the chair splitting me in a place i did not need to be least, not by a chair... and was certainly NOT COMFORTABLE.

so my arm, ahem, area, back, and left hip are all really sore. motrin is going to be my friend before i go to bed.

i made a new dishcloth today...and i LOVE IT. it's my favorite pattern so far. pics to come tomorrow, and i'll be listing it later in the week.

i decided to make a schedule for my work.

sunday is the day that i make sure i have seven items to list for the week.
monday is the day i work on non-selling projects (a chemo cap for a friend with cancer, and more work on the afghan i'm making my niece to take to college, for example, is what i'll be doing, later today. i really didn't want to stay up this late.) calls.

more later~

Friday, June 12, 2009

oh and...

here's a pic of the new stuff i've recently listed.

i'm getting excited again...

gotta love the wild mood swings that accompany borderline personality disorder HA! (think alf there)

anywho, i reached an etsy milestone today...i have TEN hearts!!!!!!! that means 10 people have put my shop in their favorite shops! whoo-hoo!

and i'm getting close to a twitter milestone...200 followers! i do get a lot of views when i post a link to a new maybe it'll lead to a sale.

i started offering items with free shipping. maybe that will help.

our yard/yart sale is tomorrow and i should probably be in bed. i need to get up at 5:00.

more later...

Thursday, June 11, 2009

i've been sick

ugh. i have been letting my depression really get me down this week and almost landed in the hospital. but the good news is, i've been listing something every day. last night while dad, john, and melanie were gone to the pioneers' game, i made four pair of earrings, one cranberry, one pink, one rainbow variegated, and one (crap i know i made four and i'm not looking at them right now...) red. the fourth pair was red. i still need to weave in the yarn ends, secure them with a dot of hot glue, and put in the pearls/pins/backs. i'll work on that after i get done updating y'all :D

but the good news in all of this is that our yard sale (part yard, part yart) is saturday, and i'm hoping to sell some crocheted, some mary kay, and ALL the sale items. we got signs today (thank you $30 scratchoff ticket) and i'm gonna put them up tomorrow. it's supposed to freaking rain again tomorrow so we won't be able to even bring the stuff over until saturday. BLOWS!

i also FINALLY got my printer hooked up to my when i get my business card designs i can actually PRINT THEM!


more later~

ps~ i know i haven't been doing shop of the day lately...i'll get back to that starting monday I PROMISE!!!!!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

finally, a new item...

i listed a pair of earrings in my shop today.

otherwise, it's been a very trying day. my therapist almost refused to let me go home from therapy because i admitted i had suicidal thoughts on sunday night after my father-in-law yelled at me about over-using the electricity when i have insomnia.

today, i find out (he tells my husband) that he doesn't really care about the utilities, he just can't sleep when there's activity going on in here. which i can totally respect, albeit not understand.

i finally convince my therapist that i'm not going to hurt myself when i go home, and she calls my husband to come down and get me because i'm in no condition to drive. from now on i'm going to make him drive me. i'm getting worse instead of better. but i don't deserve ssi according to the ssa...

anyway, i'm working on stuff that takes multiple days, but i'm going to keep making a pair of earrings per day while i work on the other stuff, so that i can get an item listed every day.

more later...

Friday, June 5, 2009

*sigh* bit of a gloomy gracie today :(

Today I'm working on a potholder to match the three dishcloths I've made this week. We're having a birthday party for my daughter (her first birthday was May 19) tomorrow, so things are super busy. A lot of seasoned Etsians are suggesting we newbies re-list our items if we aren't getting good sales. Well, I really can't afford to do that. I can only afford to list items once, and hope that as I list new ones, shoppers will want to look at the rest of the shop.

I followed some suggestions from an e-mail I got yesterday about twittering. I'm following people like crazy, hoping for more followers so that I can tweet about the shop. (it's if you're interested btw).

I'm hoping to have the new kitchen set (3 dishcloths and 2 potholders) finished and listed by the end of the day on Monday. And I'm going to try to start posting pictures of my works in progress.

My husband has been cleaning up all my supplies in preparation for Melanie's party tomorrow. It was driving me so crazy I was tempted to tell him to just throw the whole lot of it out. Anxiety was ready to consume me. OMG I wanted to self-harm so badly. But I didn't. And now the anxiety is beginning to wane. Everything is finished and put away.

My brother will be here tomorrow – the ONLY person from my side of the family to attend my daughter's first birthday party – fine. I am so mad at the rest of them. Although in a sense, I don't blame them. I did cut them off for three years. But that doesn't mean that I stopped loving them. I did what I had to do to keep myself safe at the time. Their criticism was threatening to swallow me whole. It was almost literally a life-and-death situation. With the problems I'm having with anxiety, especially this week, it's kind of a good thing that a bunch of them aren't coming.

I just checked my new views on my items. Bleah. :(

more later...

Thursday, June 4, 2009

new feature!!!!!!! and daily news LOL

i am very excited to launch a new feature today.

as my readers know, i recently opened a shop featuring my crocheted wares via well, i have come into contact with so many amazing artists, that i have decided to feature an "etsy shop of the day."

today i want to feature sarah at

she designs the most beautiful cards and flyers! she actually incorporated some of my work into the design she made for me. i have checked out the other stuff in her shop and it's beautiful. check her out!

As for actual work today, heh. four months ago, i applied for ssdi and ssi due to my depression and anxiety. and borderline personality disorder. on may 19 (my daughter's first birthday, i might add), i got a letter saying my claim had been disapproved. (denied...i could hear suze orman's voice echoing in my head LOL) so today, i met with a legal aid lawyer regarding the claim. it was grueling. we had to fill out form after form after form and then i had to tell him why i thought i couldn't work. i was thoroughly exhausted after we got done.

11:07 PM update...i finished the dishcloth and will probably do one round on the purple totebag i'm working on before i go to bed. i have my fiber arts group tomorrow.

hey my shop has a facebook page! become a fan at

more later...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

mental health is kicking my butt...

...and interfering w/my work. i'm anxious through the roof, and haven't been able to concentrate on patterns. i did get one strip of a dishcloth done yesterday (i'm working on another set...the 3 dishcloth/2 potholder one and i have one dishcloth done, minus weaving in the tails so far). i also did a round on the kick-ass totebag i'm working on!

in the future, i'd like to feature a "shop of the day." i'm having great fun on the etsy's wild and woolly over there -- literally!

more later...

Sunday, May 31, 2009

friday 5 and ? for sarkies...

Here are Friday, May 29th's Friday 5. I am, as always, indebted to the creative souls at

1. What is the longest you’ve gone between haircuts? nine months or so i think
2. What is the shortest hour of the day? aren't they all 60 minutes?
3. What is the longest line you’ve ever stood in? probably for midnight aka big blue madness @ uk
4. Who’s your shortest adult friend? courtney, i think
5. Who among your current friends have you known the longest? pete...we've known each other since we were four.

is anyone from sarkforum following me? have they taken the site down to do the upgrade? i'm getting that "no suitable nodes" message.

(wtf is a node anyway?"

more later...

rough day or two, but getting better :)

the reason that i have so much trouble holding down a stereotypical "job" is because i have depression and borderline personality disorder. and yesterday was a really rough day.

i felt triggered all day. i wanted to cut, and had suicidal thoughts, and couldn't sleep. the thing is, when i go to bed, all i do is lay there and catastrophize. i ended up not getting to bed until 5:30. i turned off the lights and the sun was starting to come up.

i woke up this morning feeling much the same as i had when i went to bed, but then i joined a team of etsians who are based out of rochester. their stuff is AMAZING!!!!!!! use the tag RNEST when you're looking for stuff on etsy...this stuff is beautiful!!!

it motivated me to get off the damn computer and work on the totebag i'm see me working on it don't you? rotflmao

facebook is all foccacta today...

and i'm getting music for the trip to nyc!

more later...

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Open for Business!

I finally opened my store last night! I'm on a tenuous internet connection here at best, so it took a VERY long time. So far, I have five items listed. A set of coasters, a kitchen set (3 dishcloths and 2 potholders), my dishcloths, and a set of potholders are up there. So if you wander by this bliggity blog...please stop by. The site address is

More later...



Thursday, May 28, 2009

yay a more succulent post!

today i'm setting up my ETSY store! woot! i'll be selling crocheted and knitted items. right now i'm working on a totebag. it's purple and so so pretty. but i also have some single dishcloths, a set of two potholders, and a kitchen set of three dishcloths and two potholders. i have a lot of yarn to use. i am so excited to get the shop set up!

more later

Friday, May 22, 2009

jeopardy prep: day 3

i'm going to have to make this quick since the library is closing in 15 minutes. a jeopardy! book from the library

and ordered the ken jennings trivia almanac from b&n.

found a pattern for an outfit i want john to make me for the audition...

more later...