I've been doing this gratitude thing for several years now, sporadically. I'll go on a really good kick where I'll do them every day for a month or two, but I allow life to interfere, and I'll back off for a time. When I'm in a really good groove with it, I realize that there are days where the gratitude just fills me and spills over. Then there are days like today, where I'm like John Cusack's character, Eddie, in the movie America's Sweethearts, wandering around, muttering under my breath, "I'm grateful for the sun. I'm grateful for the moon. I'm grateful for the stars in the sky..."
Today is definitely one of those John Cusack days.
I live in upstate New York, south of Syracuse, south of Rochester, along the Pennsylvania border. If you looked at a map of New York State, and drew an inverted triangle with a line between Rochester and Syracuse at the top, and the diagonal sides coming down to a point at the Pennsylvania border, that's about where I'd be, just outside of Elmira.
It is snowing to beat the band, as my mom used to say, today. I work for a local school district as a secretary. If the kids had had school today, they would probably have had a snowday. Instead, they're still on Christmas vacation, and the support staff and administration have to be here.
Fourteen years ago this January 20, I was on my way to work, going about 35 mph down a hill and around a curve in much less snowy weather than this, and my little lightweight of a car, Leon the Neon, started to skid. I turned my wheel in the direction I was skidding....
....and skidded the opposite way.
Next thing I knew, I was upside down in a snowbank.
Needless to say, I now am a white-knuckle driver in the snow. A total chickenshit wuss who doesn't drive over 15 miles an hour if she can avoid it.
The school where I work is nestled in the middle of a lovely steep hill. The last time the roads were even a little bit bad I skidded through three intersections and almost got into about five accidents.
So, short story long (as most of my stories tend to go), anxiety is through the roof today.
Therefore, today, I am grate*full...
1. for BuSpar, which is my anti-anxiety medication. I can tell it's helping a lot today, actually. When I actually get behind the wheel to go home might be another story, but we'll see.
2. that I got to work safely.
3. for a warm coat, hat, and mittens, a crank flashlight, and extra water in the car.
4. for Pandora to take my mind off driving until I actually have to.
5. that, as I was typing this post, my boss came to me and told me that since the roads were so bad to go ahead and head home. It took me a little over an hour to get here, but I did...safely.
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